April 13, 2009

more vomit.

Posted in Uncategorized at 6:35 pm by kaylynlorraine

there is so much to say. i have to get ready for this week. there is so much that needs to get done. i dont know when i will be able to breathe. i need air. i need. air. 

i have found myself wrapped up in the world and everything lustful about it. about a month ago i made some choices. i put myself in some positions. all for the sake of “finding myself.” all i found was trouble underneath the surface of what i thought beauty was. i got caught. i couldnt breathe. the room was so hot and i couldnt handle the pressure. i didnt lie. i told the truth. the weight came off of my shoulders. there were a lot of elephants that disappeared that day. it felt good to let it all go. i had asked God for forgiveness but there was still guilt. i was an example of something so much better, but yet still was so captivated by lust, and desires. i recovered some friendships, and lost some others. i didnt understand. i broke down. 

where i am now with all of this is that i am moving on from it. i cant find love and grace in a bottle or can or cigarette. there are things that i want to do – that i must do – to make this world better. if i am caught in sin while trying to win people to christ, then i should just have a millstone around my neck and be cast into the sea. brutal i know. its a luke reference. 

this past week has been extremely tiring for me for some reason. stephanie freed from rapha house came to my school and spoke to those who are interested in fighting injustice locally and globally. i pretty much spent the entire afternoon listening to her talk about human trafficking and how we must become advocates of change. for those that dont know about rapha house, it is a “safe house” “committed to rescuing young girls who are victims of slavery, sexual exploitation and prostitution by providing them with a safe home where they can heal and receive an education, which will allow them to make good choices for their futures.” (freedomforgirls.com) the statistics were brutal, and the pictures were heartbreaking. i have known about human trafficking for a little while thanks to relevant magazine for truly opening my eyes. i want to be an advocate. i want girls, and boys, and women and men to know that they are worth something. to know that they mean something to me, and most importantly to God. i want them to know that they are not alone in this fight against injustice. but i cant do it alone. 

i am taking a trip this summer to ukraine to work with girls that have been trafficked. i dont really know the run-down of each day, but i know that we will be there to love on these girls with unconditional love. i love ukraine. i love everything about it. it is there where i will be getting my hands dirty. it is there where i will be used – physically. we must become aware of what is going on around our cities, states, countries, and our world. i am already planning on what i will be doing when i get back, but who knows. it is up to God to reveal that to me. 

next summer, i will be hopefully going to cambodia to work with rapha house. 

this is very brief. more so than i would have liked. i guess i will have to deal with it and return soon. 

“be the change you wish to see in the world.”