October 21, 2010

mid-week mind dump

Posted in Uncategorized at 2:43 am by kaylynlorraine

1. it’s wednesday. i’m going home in 2 days. anticipating tears. and i don’t care what anyone says.

2. honest God driven conversations can really happen. and i am thankful for many of those.

3. a friend of mine talked about a church plant tonight. it really got me thinking about the future.

4. i don’t know what i am doing with my life, and yet i am going to continue to walk in the Lord because i know that He knows best.

5. i am truly in love with the Lord. like we’re talking head over heels. BUT, i need to work on living like it.

6. i love my roommates although i don’t show it on a daily basis. when an elephant is in the room, things get kinda tense.

7. i am right where i need to be. i keep reminding myself that.

8. i love florida christian college.

9. i miss the christian campus fellowship fsu chapter (or group). they are always an encouragement.

10. i want to bring the campus to life but i can’t do it alone. it has been great getting to know the new students in various ways.

thankfuls:

(again) honest conversations, constant fellowship with the body of Christ, i-time, being in communion with the Lord, gifted but not conceited musicians worshipping together, being led by the Spirit, and the overwhelming feeling of grace that the Lord shows to us.

wherever you are, grace and peace be with you always.

October 16, 2010

my head and my heart are meeting

Posted in Uncategorized at 4:42 am by kaylynlorraine

…and for the first time in a long time, they are joining together in peace and unity.

i have experienced some lows this week. my heart was heavy (it usually is daily…and that can be good). i was super apathetic towards life, and just being around people, although i did my best not to let that show through my actions and words. my heart was changed after a conversation with a friend that i almost thought wasn’t going to happen, but i truly thank God that it did because the truth that he shared with me spoke volumes and allowed me to get off of the ground and walk (or get off my mat and walk :)). now all he did was tell me that he appreciated our friendship that we have – which is a small one mind you, but through the power and convictions of the Spirit, we come together in a bond of Christ.

i had to be honest with him. i don’t know why. so i was. and he just said things to me that impacted me for the rest of the week. back story: this friend is a part of ccf at fsu. i met him over the summer at a camp that i was at. he was only there for a night, but just being who we are called to be, we established a friendship through the love that we both have for the Lord. he allowed me to speak what was on my mind and in my heart, and through that just let me see things the way that he saw them. one thing he told me was that “God loves you right where you are but He loves you too much to let you stay there,” which he passed along through his pastor that he heard it from.

he also told me that spiritual warfare and perseverance are two very real things, which is something that i heard a couple weeks back at Status (www.whatsyourstatus.com). i love it when the words of people from different geographic locations align. it shows me how God is so much bigger than i sometimes give Him credit for. it also shows that we are seeking out the same truths in our daily lives, and that He is calling us to be a different people.

i am blessed, and i know it, but sometimes i don’t live like it and talk like it. i have been redeemed and i am thankful, but sometimes i don’t show it and share in that redemption with other people around me. i am loved, but sometimes i don’t love others or love the Lord the same as He loves me. i don’t know why i do the things i do, or give into the things i do. i don’t know why i try to excuse everything under the sun and say that i can’t change – that no matter how hard i try, i can never be set apart. i know i can. i just don’t give myself enough credit for loving God as much as i know how. i don’t give God the glory when i live for Him. i just congratulate myself on making it out of this world that we live in when that temptation hits the hardest, or when i get through the day “doing a good job.” i know i am better than this. so why am i settling? i told myself over and over, and also told my friend josh that it was just easier to be the person that i am not.

since when have i let myself live that lie? since when have i let myself believe things that i know aren’t true. since when do i allow satan in my life? NO! this victory will not be his. the battle has already been won! praise God!

one last thing that Josh told me was that God has to work in me before he can work through me. such truth. such a simple reminder. we must turn our hearts towards God. He is equipping us for a great work – bringing the Kingdom of Heaven to earth. i know that although the battle has already been won, there will be difficulties along the way. BUT i also know that God provides a way out. always.

Scriptures that are on my heart recently: James 1:2-4, 1 Corinthians 10:13, Psalm 78.

October 6, 2010

Waiting, patience, changes, and understandings.

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:30 pm by kaylynlorraine

I find it crazy that it’s really over. I mean finished completely. No matter how much I am okay, I will always miss him. I know that the Lord didn’t close the doors on this friendship, but I truly believe that God is telling me that it is going to be okay. He is always good about telling us that.

Although things didn’t work out between Eric and I, I hope that he looks to the Lord and considers himself blessed and important. I know that the Lord is preparing him for something huge. All Eric can do is wait and look. It’s a difficult thing to do at times, but when we wait, we must not get frustrated.

I always think of Habakkuk 1:5 (“Look at the nations and watch—and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.) when I think of waiting. I know that there are so many Scriptures that mention waiting, but this one has always been a favorite of mine. I think that what the verse is saying is not to anticipate what is going to come, but just watch – have the expectations that something is going to come; that the Lord will present Himself. Just look and be amazed.

We try to rationalize everything, and sometimes expect for God to work only on our time and not His. We want what we want when we want. That’s not how God works. So what is the whole point of waiting then? For me, waiting is a time of preparation. A time to draw closer to the Lord. It’s not even about me and how I am going to be a blessing to the Lord, but rather how I can bless the Lord in my everyday life while I am waiting for the big picture of my life to come together. If I think about it though, every day is like that. The big picture is how am I going to love the Lord, and serve Him, and love His people also.”

How do I know that I am not where I am supposed to be? Have you ever thought about that? What if God wants me in the place that I am in right now to do his work? How often do I think that people need love and to show that they matter on my own college campus? How often do I look to the females around me, and show them that I care about them?

I need to work on some things in my life. And I will not wait on those things because I can change those myself. I will wait on the Lord because I know that He will do amazing things.

October 2, 2010

breathing easy

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:49 am by kaylynlorraine

my heart and mind have been all over the place for the past two weeks. that’s kind of gross, i understand. luckily, it’s just a metaphor. i don’t know why i felt this way for as long as i did. i thought my world was caving in on me, and i was being suffocated.

really, what it came down to was realizing the place that i was at in my life; realizing what i had done for this past summer; realizing that i need some guidance in my life, because at times, i don’t have it all together.

we (florida christian college AND status) have been working through what it means to live as part of the kingdom on earth. i find it amazing that we are working through this – more so than just at school, but at status as well. i think that the Lord is showing us so much, and we are beginning to see that living here actually DOES have a purpose. one night we talked about healing, and how we are sometimes scared of the Lord healing our hearts and minds because of our past. thats when the doors to my heart flew open.

i want to keep this short, but i wanted to say that this hard pressing feeling that i have felt for the past two weeks has been made light. here is the reason (i think) for this…

i miss my mom everyday. it hasn’t ever been easy without her here, but i know that she is with the Lord. recently while talking to another friend that lost her mom as well, i found out that she was going through the same feelings. we didn’t really know why we missed our mom’s so much. not realizing that she and i are getting closer and closer to completing a huge milestone called college, and then our next step is uncertain. i haven’t talked to my friend about this, but for me at least, the feeling are due to just that. it has been four years without my mother. those years have gone by so fast. and now that i have a year and a half left of school, i need some motherly advice/guidance/support/love. i don’t really have anyone to turn to for those things. i have my friends and family, but i really want a mother’s love. i really want my mother’s love.

i have a lot more to say now that i think about it. but i don’t want to word vomit, and i definitely don’t expect anyone to feel sorry for me. there is a great story to all of this. the Lord is faithful, just as He said that He would be. i know that He will put people in my life, and allow relationships to grow closer together no matter the distance that separates us. i know that i have been truly blessed with friendships – some of which are honestly no longer existing. i know that the Lord is going to use me in some crazy way to bring other people to know Him more. i know that i have to constantly take up my cross and live for Him everyday. i know that satan is always waiting for us to look to him or fall for his crap that he always likes to pull. i know that satan is ugly, and dark. i know that all we gotta do is look to the Lord and be faithful to Him. i know that God is jealous for our attention. i know that God wants us to look to him daily, and His heart breaks when we don’t. i know that God won. i know that Jesus died and resurrected. i know that one day i will be with my mom again, rejoicing, and worshipping the Lord.

while i am here on earth, may i live in Christ alone. being covered in the dust of our Teacher. and may you also come to grips with what the Lord is showing you. and may you also know that you are not alone. and may you know that God has an amazing plan for you. God is moving all around, doing amazing things in the Kissimmee/Orlando area. i know that the Kingdom is growing by servants in Tallahassee, and all over Florida, and the US, and all over the globe.

well, i think that just inspired another blog. 🙂