November 10, 2010

the man with the razor in his pocket

Posted in Uncategorized at 4:49 am by kaylynlorraine

i saw him one night at status. it was around 8:15 or so. approximating times has never really been my thing, but if i were to say what time in the night it was, i would say 8:15 or so. i saw him as i was getting coffee. when i went to get some cream and sugar i exchanged a kind glance at him and asked him how he was doing.

he said he was fine. smiled. and asked me how i was doing. i could smell the alcohol that once permeated his breath. i told him that i was good and asked him what his name was. he said Dave. he looked as if he was in his 50’s or 60’s. just as good as i am estimating times, i am just as good estimating the age of a person. i asked Dave if he had been to status before and he said that he had been a couple of times. i had never seen this kind man before but i was intrigued with his story and how he came to status and appreciated the community that is found there. i smiled and told him that i knew what he meant. it took me a long time to feel that way. i had come to the understanding that it took me to step out in faith and form relationships with strangers. that’s one of my least favorite things honestly. and now, here i was standing with a stranger. a man that is nothing like me. not just because he is a man, but because his story is different than mine. his path to the point that he is in relationship with God is different than mine, but we are both in relationship with the same God. so there is something we have in common. if nothing else, we both have a relationship with our Father. we are related.

i noticed that he didn’t have a wedding ring on, but he mentioned that he had a daughter. or maybe he said niece. maybe he had been divorced or his wife had passed away. he didn’t say that he didn’t have a family, although i wouldn’t generally consider that something that is talked about the first time you talk to a complete stranger. i noticed a few things in his shirt pocket. a pencil – maybe for notes from the evening, or to write down his thoughts. or maybe to create something artistic.

i also noticed a razor for shaving. just sitting in his pocket. it was no big deal to him, but clearly visible to those around him. he didn’t seem to mind. maybe it is an everyday thing. maybe no one noticed. maybe i was the only one caught off guard. or maybe i am the only one without a razor in my shirt-pocket now.  we continue chatting for a few minutes more after that, and then we hope that we meet again someday soon. he says goodbye to me with a hopeful demeanor. holding on to the assuredness of one day meeting again, exchanging stories. picking up where we left off. like old friends who had known each other for years.

i have thought about Dave ever since the night we met. what seems like ages ago was really only a few weeks. his face sticks out in my mind. the kind, gentle spirit that he had lingering as he glances at me before he leaves just so he can say goodbye – searching there in that moment that i would notice and wave back and smile. as i looked into the crowd of people that were gathering to go into the main worship room, i notice Dave. standing there clear as day. waving; saying goodbye to me. i haven’t seen him since. maybe i haven’t been looking hard enough.

it’s amazing what can happen in a matter of ten minutes. a conversation of strangers that formed into a friendship. maybe i will start going to status early, to sit and wait in expectation. to see how my friend Dave is doing. it was good for a change talking to someone that i had never met. going out of my comfort zone to comfort a man that i may or may not ever see again. God puts people in your life for a reason. to remind you that you are not alone. that you were never meant to be alone. i found myself more comforted in that moment than he will ever seem to know or understand. i thank God for moments like that.


November 1, 2010

His feast; my greed. His grace; my comfort.

Posted in Uncategorized at 4:45 am by kaylynlorraine

You prepare a table before me, and I devour the provisions you have given me. My cup overflows with not your love, but the love of mine own. I sit at a table with faces I cannot recall. Except the one that glances in the mirror looking back at me. I am not Yours, and oh how I long to be that which is kept safe. How I long to feel the love thick in my bones again. The cold chilling feeling of your Spirit before me, running through me. How I long for the unfathomable love; unknowing to my own eyes and yet I still see you. . It is so much easier to feel the warm heat of the devils breath.

Damn the Devil and his crafty tricks. He always knows when I am the weakest. No matter how much I want him in my life he still lures me in with his false promises of being filled. You are the only one that satisfies. No more tricks. I’m tired of living life the way I do. I am his no longer. His ugliness is no longer captivating. But You – You catch my attention. You meet me where I am, Lift me up, And allow me to see me. Who I really am. Who I was created to be. I am Yours.