April 19, 2011

War Paint and Battle Scars

Posted in Uncategorized at 4:55 am by kaylynlorraine

The story goes on. The search continues. What I used to think. say. feel. express. It’s all gone. I have been stripped of the lies that I have been holding onto. The lies that were once a part of my everyday thought. They are gone.

The only thing that is left is you. In the midst of my silence I find you. It’s not a question of where you have been hiding, but rather why haven’t I searched harder. In the midst of my silence, I realize that you are enough. I haven’t had enough in a very long time. I have been devouring more than I can handle – filling myself to the brim. I was overstuffed and sick.

In the midst of creativity, I find my head exploding with all of the thoughts that I want to write down quickly so that I might not forget the words that you are saying to me. I want to write them. live them. And so the process begins.

Forgive me for when I don’t have it all together. I know that you do. And you love me the same. Thank you for loving me the same. While holding a needle and thread in your hands – your strong yet gentle hands – you stitch my heart back together.

You are not far. You have never been far. In this collision of beauty and mess I have found you. Thank you God. Jesus. Holy Spirit.

Nothing is over. The search for who you are continues. It has only just begun. Once I think I have found you I am proven wrong in the most gentle way. The play is still being written. The lady singing opera is still singing. The pigs haven’t flown. Nothing is ever over. It’s just a new day. A new beginning. New discovery. New process. And I take it in. Slowly. And exhale your image the best that I know how.

Stories of your truth – your word coming to life – being made into flesh are still being told to generations old. And you have won this battle.

No, it is not over; it has only just begun. And as I stand and clench my fists and put war paint on my face, I vow to fight for you because you are worth it. He is worth it. I am worth it. This hope that we have is worth fighting for. The scars of the battle tell one of the greatest stories I know and that I have been a part of.

I hear you and I see you in the stories that I know. You cannot be ignored, or made into a fool. Redemption is at your side and Redemption is here. There is nothing more that I want, or at least I hope.

And as the story goes on and as the search continues, I know there will be days that I just want to give up. Wave the flag of surrender. Throw in the towel. I pray that in those moments I am reminded of the scars on the hands of your child, and of the scars of those that told your story of Redeeming Love.

God, you are truly good.


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